It’s now half past four and right after an one-on-one sex (masturbation, fap, you know), this came to mind, I don’t know why… probably because I watched an anime about sexy cosplayers (I think it’s called “Ririsa, a girl in 2.5 D”, by the way, I need to finish watching it)… Anyway, this came to mind and I decided to write it down… And my relationship with the opposite sex has almost always been very low or non-existent, I was going to say that I’ve never been able to maintain a friendship with my OS (I’ll abbreviate it as opposite sex) but lately I haven’t been able to maintain friendship with anyone else…

The image shows a brunette woman who was talking to other men in the kitchen of a company (a section that will be discussed at the end)

Thinking more about it, I think my self-esteem has always been very low and I’ve never taken the initiative to talk to them. The most useful of these conversations was with the last one I remember (we’ll talk about her later). And I was always called ugly, weird or fat… Well, starting from the beginning, at school I don’t remember having a female friend.

Although I remember always wanting to be close to them, I remember starting to want to collect decorated papers (I think they were called “letter paper”) that had cute drawings in the corners… I was called weird and stopped (this was when I was very young, between 7 and 9 years old), I think because they expected me to think more about heroes and boyish things.

Otherwise, during my childhood/adolescence, I don’t remember having any contact with SO, and I always followed them around playing games, and until the end of my adolescence I didn’t feel the need to get close to them. And the most contact I had was just a “Hi” and “Bye” with my cousins ​​when I looked for them to play a game or go for a bike ride. I always felt better with the boys or better with my cousins, I don’t know why.

Then the first contact was with the “Hot ass Believer”, at least that’s how I mentally referred to her (or rather, I still do to this day) who frequented the internet cafe I looked after (it was right below my house, you know the story, right?)… I wanted to date her, but she mostly did the sweet C# to get internet access (I won’t deny that she let me from time to time, I just don’t know if it was a lot…) then she started asking for some absurd things and saw that it wouldn’t work out and disappeared…

It’s now 7:23 pm and I’m writing for the blog, and I remembered to mention a girl I met in the van that took me to and from college to study data processing, her name was Daiane (I’m saying her first name because I don’t think she even remembers me anymore) she was pretty, brunette, and it didn’t work out because we finished college and then we didn’t talk anymore, but on the way there she even slept on my lap (I was in the back and sometimes she was drunk, but I never tried to take advantage of that), I gave her some gifts, but I didn’t like her anymore It came to nothing. Back to the note from 4 o’clock…

And then I didn’t have any more contact with any of them and I tried to make my career in IT/Support/Development, until in my last professional experience (as a junior developer) the woman in charge of cleaning was sort of “ranking” people in a conversation and she mentioned me (while I was drinking coffee), but I didn’t pay much attention to it. But we really tried to get to know each other, and we even went out a few times… On one of those occasions we went to a bakery in the city center, and on another we took a walk downtown and went to a little fair that was happening nearby. After that we grew apart because she left the company and moved on with her life… She was having some financial and legal problems (she had lost custody of her children), and she was always a fighter (it reminded me of my mother) trying to get back on her feet, after that we spoke very little. And this was one of the few times I felt… how can I say this?? dear?? I think it is, by someone from SO.

And that’s it, these were the few relationships I had with my SO, all of them were nothing more than a casual chat about what we were doing (working, studying, whatever…). I don’t even remember the names of most of them, and I only remembered the one in the van because I saw the name on Facebook now (I’m trying to find the name of the last one… if I find it I’ll edit the post).

As for the same-sex relationship, let’s just say that my life tried to lead me down that path, but I feel like it didn’t work (at least when I masturbate I think about or watch videos with a hottie). Anyway, that’s content for another day and that’s if someone asks for it (I hope not lol), I also hope that few people read this, but if they do, F… it.